Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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