i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
This baby is an asshole
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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