It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
