What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
