I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
