11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
