I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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