still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
