So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
