I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize