Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
