Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
