I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
