everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Success! We fucked roommates!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
