your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
