His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
