remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
