the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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