it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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