Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
