In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
