Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
