Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
