My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
