Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
