i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
