one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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