At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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