i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
