Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize