How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize