He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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