Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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