i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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