sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
