there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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