i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
