if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
