If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
