I want to have your abortion
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
