i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
