So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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