My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize