I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
