you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
