Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
