We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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