The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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