i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
