I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize