I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
