Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So squirting runs in the family.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
