Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
