Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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