toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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