Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
