ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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