pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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