Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
