I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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