I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
