based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize