I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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